The Most Inexplicable Hollywood Hero

Over the weekend, to prepare for the new Russell Crowe version, the hubby and I watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, a.k.a. Kevin Costner's butchering of the classic Robin Hood tale.

Now, don't go assuming that I'm so spoiled by modern technology that I can't look past the cheesy fight scenes and special effects from 1991. None of that bothered me. What did make me cringe, however, was the "acting" put forth by dear old Kev. The only thing that made this movie tolerable was Alan 'Hans Grueber' Rickman's hilarious over-acting. Side Note: why was there no Prince John?

I have always thought that Kevin attended, and possibly co-founded, the Don't Bother Acting, Just Play Yourself... Again school of theatrics, as favored by "greats" like Keanu Reeves, Sean Connery, Jack Nickelson and, lately, Tom Cruise. I don't think Nickelson has actually had to act since Batman - A Few Good Men, if I'm being generous.

Seriously. Kevin is playing a well-known character in a big budget blockbuster and he can't be bothered to attempt a British accent? And the hair. The costume department didn't have a wig to cover up his mandatory early 90's mullet?

This got me thinking "Didn't he have similar hair in Waterworld? Then again in Dances With Wolves?" Yes. Yes he did.

This, my friends, is the exact same mullet, styled with varying amounts of mousse and mustache.* He would have had this hair again in Wyatt Earp if they hadn't needed to tame the mighty mullet to get a Stetson on his head. This man was - and presumably still is - so full of himself that he didn't see the need to alter his appearance to play three very different characters in THREE. DIFFERENT. CENTURIES.

*Coincidentally, this is the title of Tom Selleck's upcoming bio-pic.

With that in mind, may I present to you Mullets of Fury - the Kevin Costner Early 90's Collector's Set. Why watch this be-mulleted man "act" his way through one epic masterpiece, when you can watch him "act" his way through all three?**

**Because you hate yourself?

There are some actors, such as Gary Oldman, who literally disappear into a role. Half the time I don't even realize I just watched Gary for two hours until the credits roll and I think "Dude, that was Gary Oldman?" He has the gift to transform himself over and over again. I don't expect every actor to be able to do this every time. In fact, some actors need to be themselves in order to really nail a part - Jesse Eisenberg comes to mind - but you can't make it in Hollywood if you keep phoning it in by playing yourself again, and again, and again.

Unless your name is Kevin Costner.